Lloyd's Live Diary

Saturday 4/03/06 - The Forum Tunbridge Wells
Monday 13/03/06 - Dingwalls, London
Monday 15/05/06 - Komedia, Brighton

Rusted Spoke -
"Battle of the Nelson? It's a Tyred Tale of Bikes, Beer and Lycra"

When I last wrote to you in Aug 2005 the metaphorical veldt ice cream van was due to hit the streets in Oct 05. Well on the big day no sooner did I start up the engine & James turn on the New "Walking In Silence" jingle then the veldt ice cream van threw a fit and stalled after travelling over no more than x 2 feet (Ed – Mr X's of Outstanding records I believe).

After much TLC (Ed - Tasting Lollies and Cream?) the metaphorical veldt Ice cream van confessed it was too late and too cold in the year to be trading in aural confectionary wares, so we packed her away in the garage and went to the Lord Nelson pub in Trafalgar street, Brighton for a pint of Harvey's.

It turned out our timing couldn’t have been better (Ed– well that makes a change for you then Mr Wadey) as our planned Harvey's session coincided with the 200 year anniversary celebrations for the Battle of Trafalgar. Rather than being pressed-ganged into her majesty's most Royal Navy we found ourselves on a 60-day-plus bender, drinking ourselves in and out of sobriety (Ed – funnily enough after a while all their cycles of sobriety and inebriation started to sync).

It would take a sensible person to bring this all to an end (Ed - It wasn’t to be anyone from veldt as they were all too busy cycling) & someone from Outstanding Records (Ed - Mr X) was despatched to remove us from The Nelson.

What followed has gone down in folklore as the "Battle of The Nelson", fought between Mr X, a plucky individual from Outstanding Records armed with a persistent nature, and Lloyd, James & Mike of veldt armed with spare tyres around their waists (ED – proof if any was needed that had all been into cycling for far too long).

The battle raged between the hours of opening at the Lord Nelson for x 3 days with a ceasefire announced in closure. At various points each member of veldt was removed from the pub by Mr X only for them to escape and return. Mr X even appeared to have taken up cycling at one point (Ed– probably his gammy two feet), but this was easily reposed by a "cyclic full frontal spare tyre barge".

Just when no end was in site (Ed– the humanity of such a thought) 24 hour licensing was brought in and it was agreed that the "x 3 spare tyres had to be removed from the Lord Nelson" for the fear of puncturing their own users safety.

Once removed from the Lord Nelson, Outstanding put Lloyd, James and Mike on weight training (Ed – about 3 months by my reckoning) & their spare tyres have now all gone to Rubber Heaven (Ed– isn't that a 'specialist' club in Brighton?).

The upshot of this is, after a well-needed break, the metaphorical veldt ice cream van has agreed to hit the road again in late February early March to promote our new jingle "Walking in Silence". Veldt are currently on a vow of abstinence from Lycra and pints of Harvey's (Ed – I take it that no "cycling shorts" are allowed then?).

- Lloyd Wadey